Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 22, 2004
Simply a note to ask if there are other wives and men who are happy in their marriage and in their affair at the same time? I am fulfilled in your home, in the bed and emotionally, with two men fulfilling my needs.
{It would be terrific if I had found a man who might satisfy me both emotionally and sexually, however it just didn't occur. My partner is also wed and feels the same method. We will never ever leave our partners, and they are unaware why we do not pester them for physical intimacy any longer. They are both relieved of the pressure, and there disappear {battles or silences|silences or battles}.|It would be terrific if I had found a man who might satisfy me both emotionally and sexually, however it just didn't occur. We will never ever leave our partners, and they are unaware why we do not pester them for physical intimacy any longer.}
{Individuals remain wed for numerous reasons, and not all issues can be worked out. The 4 people are friends, and I in some cases question if they would even object. Let's face it. There are those who just do not like sex! I believed in no sex prior to marriage, and now I understand why my guy was fine with that! He is not gay, however just states it's not exactly what it's split up to be.|Individuals remain wed for numerous reasons, and not all issues can be worked out. The 4 of us are friends, and I in some cases question if they would even object. He is not gay, however just states it's not exactly what it's split up to be.}
Chastity
Chastity, in among P.G. Wodehouse's books, Bertie Wooster prices estimate something Jeeves informed him. "There can be no love where there is not ideal trust."
{{When individuals learn more about a spouse's extramarital relations, they feel their world has actually come crashing down.|They feel their world has actually come crashing down when individuals discover about a spouse's extramarital relations.} We have never ever gotten a letter from someone who found out their mate was chronically unfaithful, and they enjoyed about it. They feel tricked and lied to. There are therapy groups where individuals speak about D-day, the day they found out of their spouse's extramarital relations.|When individuals discover about a spouse's extramarital relations, they feel their world has actually come crashing down. There are therapy groups where individuals talk about D-day, the day they found out of their spouse's extramarital relations.}
You are explaining things to yourself in a way which justifies you and makes your spouse the issue. {However go ahead and attempt to show your claim.|Go ahead and attempt to show your claim.} Inform your partner tonight, and motivate your "partner" to inform his better half.
Wayne & Tamara
No Higher Ground
{I have two friends I just recently found out were, or are, in a gay relationship. I say "were or are" due to the fact that among them, Tom, is saying the relationship was a mistake and over prior to it started. The other one, Ray, states he walked away from one aspect of their relationship, however is not ready to provide Tom up as a good friend. Tom states Ray is "a good friend I cannot get rid of."|The other one, Ray, states he walked away from one aspect of their relationship, however is not willing to provide Tom up as a good friend. Tom states Ray is "a good friend I cannot get rid of."}
{I found the relationship by observing Ray is exceptionally possessive of Tom. {Ray becomes {jealous and angry|angry and jealous} when Tom is with his straight friends.|When Tom is with his straight friends, Ray becomes {jealous and angry|angry and jealous}.} To take a look at Tom with those straight friends you would never ever think in a million years he is gay. Tom has actually gone to extreme steps to make sure his friends understand absolutely nothing about Ray.|Ray becomes {jealous and angry|angry and jealous} when Tom is with his straight friends. Tom has actually gone to extreme steps to make sure his friends understand absolutely nothing about Ray.}
Ray keeps a photo of Tom on his desk at work, and he is exceptionally upset if Tom cannot meet him for lunch. Tom, on the other hand, panics at the thought of his family finding out about Ray. I am not to point out Ray's name around Tom's friends or family, makings me feel exceptionally disloyal to Ray.
{Tom genuinely wants Ray out of his life, however Ray threatens to out Tom to his loved ones if he breaks off their relationship. I care for both of them, and neither of them will seek professional assistance. What can I do to assist them? Or should I just step away from the whole thing?|Tom genuinely wants Ray out of his life, however Ray threatens to out Tom to his friends and family if he breaks off their relationship. Or should I just step away from the whole thing?}
Phyllis
Phyllis, nobody is on the higher moral ground here. Tom wants you to lie and conceal his life from individuals who appreciate him and believe they understand him. Ray is aiming to blackmail Tom into a relationship.
{Both are seeking, or sought, a relationship they are not entitled to. You would like to promote a cause, however neither Tom nor Ray has a cause to champion. Maybe their accident will induce some reality and truth into each of their lives. Stay out of it.|Both are seeking, or sought, a relationship they are not entitled to. You would like to promote a cause, however neither Tom nor Ray has a cause to champion.}
Wayne & Tamara
The other one, Ray, states he walked away from one aspect of their relationship, however is not willing to provide Tom up as a good friend. Tom states Ray is "a good friend I cannot get rid of."
Ray keeps an image of Tom on his desk at work, and he is exceptionally upset if Tom cannot meet him for lunch. I am not to point out Ray's name around Tom's friends or family, which makes me feel exceptionally disloyal to Ray.
Tom genuinely wants Ray out of his life, however Ray threatens to out Tom to his friends and family if he breaks off their relationship.
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